3.

‘You cant hate yourself into a version of yourself you can love ‘

This. This every time. This is the lesson that took me the longest to learn and understand. I remember saying to my ex ‘I know you say you dont care about how thin I am but I’m just letting you know I hate how I look’ I said this constantly. I thought I was doing her a favour by hating myself enough for the both of us. I stopped letting her touch me, even when we went to sleep I didn’t want her touching me. I put myself down at every opportunity because I just needed her to know that I hated the way I looked and I understood if she hated it too. Little did I know this was the most toxic thing I ever did. From my point of view at the time it made perfect sense, I was disgusting, horrible to look at and even worse to touch, so letting her know it’s okay to be disgusted by me so must be the best thing for our relationship right? I was victimising myself whilst hating her for being with me whilst pushing her away but wanting her to want me. How confusing for another human is that? You dont have the right to pull everyone into your darkness. If they want to be there for you and support you let them, if you arent ready to change and want them to wallow in your sadness and self hatred, let them go, because eventually you will destroy them with things that they have no control over. If you’re insecure now you’ll always be insecure, there is no ‘perfect weight’ or ‘perfect body’ all there is is you being healthy in your body and mind and there is nothing beyond that. If you want to work on yourself do it, but do it from a place of love, do it because you love yourself and want to be in love with yourself, not because you hate yourself and need to reach some unattainable destination. Until you learn to love who you are and how you look you will never be enough for yourself. Theres no growth in victimhood. Stop putting yourself down, stop nitpicking at your body in front of friends and family, it’s not up to everyone else to make you feel comfortable with yourself. Interrupt negative thoughts and say ‘I am trying’ instead.🌸